Things that make me shake my head: Bawdy Commuters

Quick post: I have to tell you about my commute this morning. It was a riot. I’m stuck in traffic on Route 29 pissed because I actually left on time for a change. We’re all slowly crawling up the road when I started feeling like someone was staring at me. I look over and there was a man in a car with his eyes dead on me. He smiled. I smiled. No need to be rude so early in the day. I look ahead some more and then look back again. He’s still staring. This time he mouths some words. I am terrible at lip reading so I say “What?” I thought he wanted to get over. We’re still inching our cars South bound when he proceeds to put a peace sign over his lips and dart his tongue in and out of his mouth lizard-style. I can definitely read his lips on that one. WHAT THE HELL???

I keep looking forward while turning fifty shades of red. He catches up with me. I decided to give him the finger: the third finger on my left hand with the wedding band on it. He starts mouthing to me again and this time I understood what he was saying. “Wanna f–k?” Wow!!! There I am stuck in traffic with a suburbanite who’s probably bored with his sex life (or greedy) and decided he wants to take a detour on his way to work. I can’t get out of my lane and he isn’t budging either. I nodded my head no. He gives me the sad face and when his lane moves forward. DUDE!!! I cannot explain how crazy that is. I’m flattered that he wants to flaunt his oral sex skills on me but this ain’t Nine and Half Weeks. Is this the way cheating husbands find girlfriends? That’s pretty damn bold but I gotta say I respect him a little for being upfront. I want you on my lap. I ain’t interested in anything else. Thanks for your honesty,  Sir. I’m not interested and you won’t convince me. Move on!

My life is pretty humdrum for the most part. Every now and again though I get thrown a bone. Or rather a bonehead who has the manners of a trite yard dog. Woof!

Thanks for reading!

3 thoughts on “Things that make me shake my head: Bawdy Commuters

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